Introducing my New Niche: Perfectionism and People Pleasing
Recently, I chose a new niche to focus on in my practice - perfectionism and people pleasing.
This change came around for two reasons.
Mostly, because it resonates deeply with me and my own journey with mental health and anxiety. As a recovered people pleaser and perfectionist myself, I’m so familiar with these areas and how important it is to move away from them!
Perfectionism and people pleasing have also been a common thread for clients within my practice, as something that I’ve noticed that a lot of them have difficulty with.
Maybe you’re not entirely sure what exactly people pleasing and perfectionism are! If so, let me enlighten you…
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is often mistaken for ‘being perfect’ or doing something perfectly. Therefore, many assume that it must be a good thing.
However, perfectionism is a coping style that involves putting pressure on ourselves to meet high standards.
There are many positive and desirable qualities that come with perfectionism. Generally, people with perfectionism:
Are hard working
Are highly efficient
Are great with time management
Are very organised
Can be high achieving
Sometimes, these high standards get in the way of our happiness. People with perfectionism can feel:
They have no free time
Highly self critical and blaming
Anxious, stressed and on edge
Frustrated when others don’t do things ‘their’ way
No achievement is ever enough
So afraid of failing that they never get started
There is a big difference between healthy pursuit of excellence and unhealthy striving for perfection. Perfectionism should not be viewed as a strength, as it can be extremely damaging to one’s mental health.
What is People Pleasing?
People pleasing is a coping style which involves behaving and speaking in ways that meet the needs of others.This is often at the detriment of their own needs or interests.
It is often viewed as someone who is overly helpful, kind and goes above and beyond for others.
Generally, people with people-pleasing tendencies:
Are highly attuned to other emotions and needs
Care deeply for others
Can be altruistic
Are thoughtful and understanding of others’ circumstances
Often, people pleasing will lead to poor mental health. People with people pleasing tendencies can feel:
Resentful and frustrated for not having their own needs met
Anxious, stressed and exhausted
Lack self identity
They are taken advantage of
Poor relationship quality or depth in connections
Relying on people pleasing behaviours begins with good intentions of trying to gain self-worth, approval and to help others. However, these behaviours are very damaging to one’s emotional, physical and social wellbeing.
How I Recovered From People Pleasing and Perfectionism
I don’t have an exact moment in my life when I realised that I didn’t want to be a people pleaser or a perfectionist anymore, however it was around the time I went through a relationship breakup in my early twenties.
This breakup, although accompanied with heartache, provided me with a newfound sense of freedom and personal identity. All of a sudden I was making my own choices and felt I had so much more ‘me time’ since I was halfway through my undergrad degree at the time. I felt like an entirely new woman with the whole world at my fingertips! I quickly became obsessed with the feeling.
This made me realise how many years I’d spent saying ‘yes’ when I wanted to say ‘no’, put others' needs before my own and worked so hard to appear like I ‘had it all together’ to gain approval and self-worth.
After that realisation, I started to get in touch with who I really am, what I was feeling and what I wanted for my life. I did this through therapy, studying psychology and reading many self-help books.
In doing this I began to speak up for myself, share my goals and go after them. Most importantly - I began to love myself (cliche, I know, but true!).
Of course, I slipped up at times (and still do). I set too strong or too weak of boundaries and I fell back into seeking the approval of others through my appearance, achievements and a faux ‘I’ve got it all together’ vibe.
In recognising and pushing back against these ingrained mechanisms, over time I began to experience incredible things. New exciting opportunities presented themself to me, I had balanced relationships, and through respecting myself, it noticeably increased others’ respect for me too.
The freedom and fulfillment that comes from breaking these behaviours is life changing! I’m very privileged to be able to help others recognise these same issues, overcome them and to truly find themselves again.
The good news for you is that if you’re struggling with perfectionism and people-pleasing, then you’re in the right place. I’m the person for you!
My interest in this area and my own personal experience means that I know how to support you through these difficulties and help you cultivate a strong sense of self.
Reach out to me today to see how I can support you.
